


In Blindness and Protection

by RecluseWriter



Category: Library of Ruina (Video Game)
Genre: Blood, Depression, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29390271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RecluseWriter/pseuds/RecluseWriter
Summary: Alone in the blue flower field, he sat, waiting for his happy life.
Comments: 22
Kudos: 34





	In Blindness and Protection

A field of blue flowers that bled when touched. In the middle sat a broken person with a lock hanging from his neck. There were no chains keeping him in place but he chose not to move. He had not been guided to move so why move now? Whatever the man did was never of his own will. Whatever the City wanted was what he wanted. The City's volition was his own. The City's volition was everyone's. Parents knew what was best for their children and he was a child of the City. 

In the distance, three tall figures stood. The man didn't not open his eyes to watch as they came closer, blood splattering with every step. One of the figures, the shortest out of the three, kneeling down in front of the broken man. 

"Messenger Yan."

No response.

"Yan~ Please say something! We aren't mad at you~"

No response. 

"Being loud isn't going to get him to respond."

Three voices being familiar with a sense of familial. A headache started to arise in the man's head. The pain didn’t make him flinch or move.. 

"Messenger Yan, there's no need to be sitting here alone." 

"It is the City's and mine's volition to sit here alone."

"Your own volition happens to be the same as the City's?"

"Of course. To deny the City's volition is to deny my own."

The three were taken aback, concerning growing within them. 

"What happened to you Yan?~ You would never say something like that~" 

Metal claws started stroking the man's hair. Not once did they touch his skin. It didn't bother him, if anything, he enjoyed it. He smiled to himself, knowing that he was on the right path to happiness. A sigh was heard before speaking.

“If the City’s volition is your own, then why were we sent to the Library, Messenger Yan?”

_ Library….Yes….The Library _

A picture of a tall tree-like tower stood in the city skyline. On one of the floors was a creature, a broken creature like the broken man. The creature was lying to himself. To what the lie was, the man didn’t know. 

“The City guided you to your fate. You didn’t have to make a decision for yourself that would lead to unnecessary hurt.” 

“That’s the City’s reason. What about your own?”   
“My reason is the same as the City’s. Was that not clear?”

The metal claws stroking his hair twitched, brushing against his scalp. They seemed abnormally warm. His attention was pulled away by clinking of metal together. 

“That’s the reason the City gave you. What is your own reason?”

“Please don’t repeat questions that I already gave answers to. I have made it clear as to what my reason was.”

A harsh pain shot through the man's head, resulting in the metal claws to be quickly retracted. 

"Gloria, your claws are sharp. You have to be careful."

_ Gloria……A body that had no blood or flesh except for her brain. Praised the Prescripts as if they were a god. She treated me like a child, doting me with affection and love. So lively and happy in a world filled with death and hate.….. _

“Ah! Sorry Yan~ I didn’t mean to! I don’t have any bandages on me to cover it.”

Her voice was nervous and upset, something the man believed he rarely heard from Gloria before. Blood began to stain the man’s white hair.. Compared to the metal claws of Gloria, it was ice cold. The sound of tearing cloth followed by a presence came closer to him. Instead of metal claws, metal fingers messed with his hair, a cloth, likely from whatever was ripped. Pressure was added, only increasing his headache’s pain. It was fine. Surely it was only a little pain compared to if he decided to deny his own volition. The presence didn’t leave his side and stayed, keeping the cloth in place.

“The wound isn’t deep. The bleeding should stop soon.”

“Good. Now, Messenger Yan, is the City’s will the will of everyone living in it?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t believe that it is true.”

“Then you will only be denying your ownself by denying the City. Whatever you do is guided by the City, even if you don’t believe it is. The City was built by people and now the City is trying to guide others through a life that would be full of horrors to a beautiful, lavish life and ending.”

“A beautiful ending is to have our bodies ruined. To lose our lives to others. That was our own choice?”

“Yes.”

The pressure on his head noticeably increased. Yan said nothing about the increasing pain. Assuming that his pain had been visible, the voice of the one who wasn’t one pressing on his head.

"Hubert, how much pressure are you putting on him?"

_ Hubert…..Always wearing a mask to which he never disclosed the reason he did so. Gloria was frequently scolded by him for her carefree behavior. Respectful, and dutiful. Never spoke his mind much, but so very loyal to the Prescripts.  _

The thought ticked the man off. Both Hubert and Gloria followed the Prescripts. They did not deny themselves of their own volition, yet they are not telling the other, the man has yet to put a name to, of the City’s will and his own. Telling him of how he'll only cause himself more suffering by pulling against the strings.

“I am sorry, Messenger Yan. I didn’t realize I was adding pressure." 

"It's fine. Has the bleeding stopped?"

Hubert checked the wound, seeing that only a tiny bit of blood flowing out of the wound. He wiped the blood and brushed the cloth against the man's shoulder before hovering it only slightly above said shoulder.

"Would you like the cloth Messenger Yan in case it starts bleeding again?"

Without a verbal response, the man grabbed the cloth, bring it to nose. A small smile grew on his face. It quickly faded. He didn't know why, but the smell of his own blood brought a sense of comfort to him. Hubert stepped away, the man’s attention now being brought back to his questioner. 

“You've been asking questions the whole time, isn’t it only fair to allow me to ask you questions as well?”

“It is indeed. What do you want to ask?”

“Why are you denying the City’s will as your own? Hubert and Gloria are loyal to them. Haven’t they told you?”

“I believe the City’s will is my own. Never once have I denied that.”

“You've been questioning my belief yet you believe in them yourself?”

The man only received a barely audible yes. Was this a twisted mind game he was playing with him? Was he lying to him? For what? To make him question himself? His choice? 

"Then why question me on the subject?"

"Because you hated the Prescripts. You never were once happy carrying out them. You hated the things they made you."

"How would you know?"

"Don't you remember?"

The man's head cocked a curious look now completely sure that his conversation partner was messing with him. 

"What might you be referring Proxy Esther~?"

_ Esther…...An Index Proxy that had surely been part of the mess longest out of three. He was my Proxy when I was a Proselyte. I respected him greatly for managing to keep all of us intact and alive. He kept track of where each one of the Proselytes were. The reason why he saw me breakdown again and again. I tried to sneak off, only to have him follow me. As to why I broke down, it was because of my actions, feelings and beliefs. I’d cry and scream while he watched in silence. The only comfort he offered was his shoulder. After each and every one, Esther would have me walk by his side, keeping a close eye. I never understood why he did such things and even now I still don’t.  _

__

“I remember……I’m happy now. I do not hold that belief anymore that caused me so much pain”

Gloria and Hubert looked at each in confusion, neither of knowing to what the two were referring to. Esther sighed, taking his hand and cupping the man’s face. He flinched at the feeling of skin. Esther wore gloves all the time, why take them off now? 

“Then smile. You don’t need a Prescript to tell you to do that. The City’s volition is your own. You’re meant to be happy, correct?”

A half hearted smile showed on the man's face. 

"Very well. Hubert and Gloria, we shall be taking our leave."

"Esther~! We can't leave Yan here."

"I agree with Proxy Gloria. Messenger Yan shouldn't be left alone."

"Messenger Yan will be perfectly fine. He's happy. Unless directed to, we are to leave him be."

The warmth of Esther's hand left his face, and in a desperate, unintentional gesture, the man grabbed at his arm pulling it back. 

“Is something the matter, Messenger Yan?”

The man said nothing. Without any bit of hesitation, Esther yanked his hand back. He stood up, staring down at the man.

“Good bye. Hubert and Gloria, let’s go.”

Hubert sighed, and then patted the man’s head. The brief touch hurt, though it wasn’t rough or violent. 

“Bye-bye~ Bye-bye…”

Gloria stroked the man’s hair, moving her claw to squeeze his cheek, which was followed by a final headpat. Again, he felt pain. His headache only getting worse, making harder and harder to focus. They walked away, each footsteps getting quieter and quieter the further away they got. Through the headaches and pain, the picture of the creature reappeared. 

_ A broken creature as broken as me. A creature that was being pulled strings, like a puppet. The creature was given two things. A Prescript to go to the Library and an Invitation. The books on the Invitation were those of Esther, Hubert and Gloria. The books were meant to tempt the recipients into signing the Invitation. The creature was a good puppet and didn’t need to be tempted, but the creature wasn’t always so obedient. He cut the strings, feeling no force pulling him back. He felt free. Free to choose what his actions were, what he said, and the bonds he chose to create. Bonds with the only living things that stayed around him. The creature grew to care for the three whether it be out of necessity to receive love from them or if he truly did care about them. The three were devoted to the Prescripts. If told to die on the spot, they would surely do so, which scared the creature. The Library always seemed like it never lived under laws and principles of the City. It was a place where people turned into books were to be added to its shelves. It was believe the books could be brought back to the original states….With his own will, the creature forged a Prescript that read “Esther, Gloria, Hubert, and the Proselytes under them shall head to the Library." With great worry, fear and care, he brought the Prescript to them. The creature was called out for forging Prescripts. It was not viewed as a betrayal by two of the three, though it still brought hurt to the creature. Was it not a betrayal since they weren't close? Did it hurt too much to call it such a thing? At the time, he didn't want answer. Now, that's all he wanted.  _

_ It's ok. I can handle the truth. I can't break anymore than I already have. Tell me you hate. Tell me I mean nothing to you. Make me understand how much you hate me. Belittle me. Beat me. Use me. I'm just another gear in the suffering machine. I'll be replaced. Nothing I did made a change. You'll see once I die. I promise.  _

_ They signed the Invitation that was meant to be given to him and away they went. The creature wanted to scream, but kept it inside. A day passed, another Prescript given to him. It brought him to a place where the Prescripts were made. Made by the City. The City was built by the people and better understood its creators then they themselves did. With every word, scream, murder, tears, the City reached out to help, guiding us onto a path with less suffering. It knew what it's children would do and only wanted them to do it sooner rather than try and fight it. The creature understood. Prescripts weren't making people do all those horrible things. We are all horrible people. After all the pain, the creature gave up. Once the strings were reattached, the good puppet was given an Invitation. No hesitation as he signed it, and off he went to the Library. The creature fought the librarians only to die at the end of it all.  _

_ I've come to know what the creature was lying to himself about. That he was happy with being mindless. Being just another gear being grinded and grinded till he finally shattered. I am lying to myself now about the same thing. I regret giving up. I truly do and I hate myself for it. Not for the grief I caused myself, but for the fact that I abandoned them. If it is true that they were inevitably going to end up there, then I only sped up the process. Though if the City’s volition and their own isn’t the same, then I took their lives for my own desperate wish to keep them alive. In the moment of blindness of my own sorrow and selfishness, I decided that accepting what my thoughts were always telling was better than trying to work through them. I wanted to keep them in a world where even myself didn’t want to be in. And now all I want to do now is scream and cry till I can’t. _

The moment the cries started was the moment they stopped in their tracks. Gloria rushed back whining the entire way. Esther and Hubert trailed behind, trying their best to keep up with her. Two of her mechanical arms were wrapped tightly around Yan, one stroking his hair as well. Ever so slightly did he start nuzzling his head into her claw. 

“Yan~ It’s ok~ It’s ok~ It’s ok….~ Gloria is here~” 

Finally reaching the two, Esther knelt down in front of Yan’s with Hubert taking to his side. Unsurely, Hubert patted Yan’s shoulder, getting the immediate reaction of him lifting his shoulder, attempting to nuzzle against Hubert’s hand. A poor affection starved person he was. Esther wiped the tears under Yan's eyes with his thumb, being too slow for the speed in which they flowed. Yan tore his own gloves off, immediately grasping at Esther’s hand, keeping it in place. Inching closer, Esther brought his other arm around Yan and one of Gloria’s arms. Hubert followed suit, using both arms to tightly hug him. His crying didn’t calm to any varying degree. The tears trickled down onto the lock that was still around his neck, leaving it corroded. Its weight became less and less till Yan felt its weight disappear. 

“Don’t leave….please don’t leave. I’m sorry….I’m sorry…..Don’t leave me again……”

There was no verbal action. Gloria pulled him closer, bringing another one of her arms to hug him. Hubert’s grip stayed the same, having a far too tight one already. Instead, he brought his head to rest on Yan’s. Esther attempted to pull his hand away, only to earn more cries and whimpers from poor little Yan. His hand was far larger, making it easy to remove from Yan's face. Hand finally free, Esther slipped his arm underneath him while he got a better hold around Yan. 

"Gloria, Hubert, let go."

Following their order, Gloria a bit hesitant to do so. Once satisfied with the hold he had on Yan, Esther lifted him up as he himself stood up. Almost immediately, Yan pushed down the metal collar of Esther’s cloak to nuzzle his face into the crook of his neck, muffling his cries. Esther softly patted Yan’s back, slowly rocking himself back and forth, similarly on how a parent would calm their child. Wasn’t that what he was in a way? A child kicked too many times. Blood painted on his eyes, skin marred with scars. One so foreigner to friendly human touch that wasn’t from a walking corpse in his nightmares. Touch that wasn’t from someone that was in their own mental distress. Gloria showered him love through hugs, headpats, and other motherly things, but she reeked of blood, all three of the Proxies did. What should be processed as affection is a reminder of all the trauma that ate his sanity. Here, in this ethereal place, they didn't smell of blood even with blood splattered on their shoes and knees. 

"We are not leaving you, Yan. The same applies to you." 

Yan profusely nodded, gripping tighter at Esther's back. The two other Proxies gathered around them, looking down at the mess in Esther's arms. Yan lifted his head, eyes only barely open. Gloria took Yan's head in her claws, tilting it up. Bright light blue hid underneath his eye lids. 

"Come on Yan~ Don't cry~ We aren't going to leave you! You're so precious to us."

A voice that didn't quite match her usually tone, yet still had the same amount of affection.

"Exactly...We care about you.”

A shaky voice that was off putting to his normal calm clear one, though, the words were still honest.

Yan stared at Gloria for a moment then turned to Hubert and then Esther. Finally, his eyes opened allowing for him to see the three around him. He wiped his eyes, blinking his eyes a few times, adjusting to the light. The three Proxies stared down at him, all of which had soft expressions. A feeling of joy rushed through him, a smile forming on his face.    
They were real. They weren’t faceless corpses that taunted him or shadow figures that talked to him. Tears that were once calming down started up again, but not with the sadness that fueled them before. His smile grew bigger, the way he used to smile as a child. 

"Yan, would you like to come home with us?"

"I'm….already home."

For a split second, a smile appeared on Esther's face, only to disappear. He started walking, Yan jumping from the sudden change in movement. 

“Hey~ You can’t just walk away with good boy Yan~”

Gloria was at their side, poking Esther’s face. 

“You are so childish, Gloria.”

“Don’t lecture me~”

Her poking assault now included Hubert who only sighed. A small giggle was heard from Yan. He rested his head on Esther’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around his neck. Hubert and Gloria bickered with one another, Hubert giving up early on with Gloria still continuing to annoy him. Esther occasionally hummed, stroking Yan’s back in the process. It was nice. 

_ Families act like this, don’t they? It’s been so long since I had one. No….I was just to blind to realize the one that surrounded me. They weren’t family by blood, but blood didn’t matter. In my own blindness of depression and suicidal ideations, I couldn’t see how they grew attached to me, how they would have helped me if I had just asked. Now, after our lives, they're here by my side treating me like their own. And I wish I had realized that’s where they always were. I thank whatever being allowed us to be together. Thank you for letting me be happy. _

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
